a history bro told me i “seem chill” today and i have never felt so loved
KIKI’S DELIVERY SERVICE 魔女の宅急便 (1989)
dir. Hayao Miyazaki
Donkey in Zamora Province, Spain hauls flowering nabiza (turnip plants) to be pressed into vegetable oil
National Geographic - March, 1978
Edward Burne-Jones (1833–1898), coloured drawing from ‘Letters to Katie, 1883–1889’
i really do love everyone regardless
To Be Heard
My soul sits forgotten
on the coffee table,
and you set your tea on me
to protect the wood from water damage.
I feel every crushing tonne.
And, when I scream, you put your hand
over my mouth, and squeeze.
I’ve been bleeding ever since.
Oh, I have never been so hurt,
so angry, and so beaten.
I just wanted to be heard, and I’ve been screaming
since I was a kid,
but you said my screaming was just an ego ballooning,
suffocating you in your sleep,
so I learned to keep my mouth shut,
silently drowning in the flood
raging under my skin.
When they find my body, I’ll cough the sea up, and say:
You did this to me.
My pages are torn,
ancient hands in pieces
on my childhood bedroom floor.
I carefully tape them together,
but they’ll never be the same.
I’ll never be the same
because I’ve been repenting for so long
I don’t remember how to fill a space.
You say you like me better this way—
quiet and small and easier to swallow,
but no more. I love that fourteen year old girl,
radically,
in all her abrasive terror. You never did.
If you refuse to see my soul, I will.